Saw Bruce Almighty today, was much better than I thought it would be, but still not a must-see-at-the-movies. In fact none of the movies in the last year I have seen have been any better because I saw them in the cinema, rather than at home. We were going to see Finding Nemo, but that had sold out as we got about 8 people towards the front of the queue.

Bruce Almighty a surprising 8 out of 10

It was filled with meaning and messages, well, relatively of course for a Jim Carrey movie that is.. Didn't go very far down the obvious Hollywood route at all, in fact, it didn't even see the signposts down there, but it was entertaining all the way through, and there cannot be many people that couldn't get something from this movie in some small part, no matter how much denile they don't have. :)

Not worth the movie ticket, but DEFINATELY worth the price of a rental.

Ok, got to do a very extensive test of some new toys in There.com today. Had a good time swooshing about on a hover boat, and a complete wet dog fart of a nanosecond on a new style hoverpack, in the shape of a bug. They must have had this idea a LONG time to use the bug shapes, as I have seen no mention of it in anyone's wish list, and never heard a single moaning voice demand new style packs, or even any chat in general about them...total mystery that one..

That was all after I managed to be invited to a big bash in a nearby city (this is real life I am talking about now, so you can stop reading any time..) but as I got there, I decided, in a sort of three year old sort of way that I was simply NOT going to attend. Call me old fashioned, but going to a banquet fund raiser, when they can't get the upper echelons to turn out for it, as a seat filler really just got me in the stubborn gland today. I mean who thinks these things are going to be in any way at all, ENTERTAINING!!?!?! I don't know if any of you have been in the same position to be in a room full of people, all munching away, pretending to listen to the people around them, while also pretending to find them engaging, funny, riveting (I think you know what I mean by now.....) and an all round great chap who I just MUST fund for the next three milleniums... I never even made it to the table, I simply stopped in the hallway, mumbled something about something to do with finding something, and proceeded to remain in that spot for an hour, reading, while the shmooze oozed.

I understand it is not for me to enjoy, oh no, it is for people to network (I think). I am new in this country, I don't know anyone, and in all my experience of corporate interaction, nobody ACTUALLY listens to anyone they are talking 'at' anyway... You can almost see your words bouncing off their corporate plastic smile and overly firm handshakes ("Ahhh yes, that is what the motivational speaker said COMMAND THE MOMENT, BE IN THE ZONE, ACTIVATE INTERESTED EYES, etc etc buzzword, catchphrase, managerspeak")

So I merely remained outside the room, reading the BBC news (although it's relevance is sadly fading fast on me), hoping nobody would bother to find me. They didn't bother, or didn't find me, I am not sure which, but I will assume for the sake of Britishness it is that they didn't bother. Why couldn't we have mailed them the cost of the ticket and saved everyone a trip. Someone tell me WHO FINDS THESE THINGS FUN?

Anyway, I hope the boss doesn't mind too much that I didn't go in, and hopefully takes this as my stance against ever hitting a shmooze event ever again!!!! My prepared response to anyone asking as to why I was not in there with them facing the music would have been, "Oh but I am out here pretending to be ill and not going inside." No joking, and it works better for people you don't really know that well, because you are of course not to speak so honestly about anything like this really. And there really is no pre-scripted polite response to something like that....

Try me... I dare you...

Next time you are in a hotel with a full conference room and see some weirdo in a badly fitting suit, that makes him look like a cheap insurance salesman, just go ahead and ask what he is doing there. You will be shocked at the response. Of course I will gather then that you have already read this article and are prepared for such honesty. Interesting....

It's been a frantic few days to do with There.Com and a whole new range of thingies in there to play with, which should last the assembled masses a little while (5 seconds) to get bored with..

The last day of PB2 (thats Public Beta 2 to you) there was a big bash with the There Radio station broadcasting, and amazingly enough, yours truly managed to get in AND REMAIN (without being redistributed by the system to other locations) and ended up dancing the night away.... (if you don't believe me, sign up and I will slut myself around the whole of Tiki Island with you, from club to club).

So anyway, after a few real world mistaken identity thingies....a policeman, basketball player, computer store owner, I now get THIS from within a There.com blog. Will this never end.....

For those of you in the know, I went straight from a less than animated (chortle) discussion with There_Monitor, to a Tyr Crystal convasation with Jopy (pics should be up soon).

Oh and thanks to ZX_777 for the inside information, they have been invaluable over the Thereless couple of days.

Todays lucky lookalikes are, Michael Winner and Whoppie Goldberg

Microsoft are apparently going to stop issuing bug fixes and patches for Win98, Win95, and WinNT in November. That's going to be more than a little awkward for those on a budget come this Christmas. Plopping WinXP on an old machine will be quite a headache for most people with their aging PC's. See if you are one of those beardy weirdies, who insist that Win 3.1 is still much better for you...

I have an older PC (as well as a nice new one) which is going to be an interesting exercise, getting it up to speed. The real problem is that for a good chunk of the public, these computers run perfectly well. They don't change the hardware and keep the drivers up to date. However, you take away the operating system and you pretty much have to think about all those buried bits of computeryness you usually are in a comfortable compliance with. Those built in obscure soundcard, lan, or modem drivers, that you never had to mess with, as they worked well. (All sort of checked shirt, and home grown goodness, while constructing your own log cabin, with expensive but reliable hand tools). A whole heap of trouble awaiting the budget cyberscaper. Shame.... a dark time in the computing timeline...

Strangely enough, after my brother made the worlds shortest appearance on a radio show, I did my bit for the good of listener kind. I was wondering around a rather weird bit of There.com and while trawling for abandoned vehicles to spray over the newbies (all desperate to do the motion thing, but unable to as they spent it all on a shirt and shoes, then found the exchange rate was extortionate) in the hoverpark. A young (ignore the age thing, as everyone in there looks fresh from the womb) woman, spiralled down from the heavens, and splished into my dank, stinky trench I was doggedly searching for crappy old cars etc. She rung out her clothing, and climbed into my purple Barbie buggy (it's not really a Barbie one, but if you saw it, you would see why I call it that). So I abandoned the abandoned search, with abandon (come on you KNEW I was going to put it that way:) and proceeded to push the old girl (the buggy not the fallen avatar) up the sheer sides of the moat. Yes, moat.

To get to the point, before I loose it all together, she was Saria who was A DJ FOR WAY OUT THERE RADIO!!! Which I only discovered, as she said she kept having to leave the conversation in the buggy to attend to something elsewhere. So as soon as I found out, I pleaded for a mention on air. Which I got.....so in the end, we ended up at the hoverpark with thousands of people all dancing around in front of a huge sign, while I gave away the vehicles I had found as prizes. We er... rocked dude!

Oh and I fibbed just a little bit, as the crowd actually swelled to four people, not the thousands I may have possibly hinted at in the earlier paragraphs...

IBM is releasing a new type of cheaper messaging client for workers that do not typically have desks. Now these people are known as deskless workers, seems reasonable right? Well they seem to call those WITH desks, knowledge workers....where did that come from? You know the type of job they mean by deskless, medical, shop floor, or someone on the move, but typically has no need to send emails, or bother with what you and I have just discovered, is the world of the "knowledge" worker. For a billion years, the coporate universe has been continually looking after it's own with various desk based, nine to five, tie wearing, crumpled stained shirt half-tucking-in, types, and never even bothering to look outside of the only thing it is familiar with. I'm sure that you yourself have wondered why your particular organisation, does what it does, in the way that it does it sometimes... What I mean is that I worked in a very 'deskless' job for a long time, which was a 24/7 job. Strangely enough, all events to do with the job were ALWAYS held between the hours of nine to five, Monday to Friday, and the annoying insistance of sending memo's all over the place, to us deskless nomads. Oh and don't even think of holding any event outside the working week, or without a whole hour and a half fully catered lunch AND coffee breaks (which of course is not quite the same as your own Christmas day, fourteen hour straight through shift, or regular 8 hours without even enough time to yourself to change your mind, let alone a hot steaming cup of mocha-lotta-crappe, chocolate biscuits (cookies) served on an Ester Williamsy style arranged plate full AVEC DOILY, because you have been so hard at work sat on your bum, listening to ANOTHER lecture on what makes an ancient plastic skeletons' spine work, and not trying to lift heavy boxes with your eyelashes while bending at the neck instead of the kneed, for a whole FORTY MINUTES!!)

The biggest of all sins is the "Pardon me? That surely does NOT compute?? What is this concept your deskless team has of having an event (meeting, training etc) on a national holiday??? That is stupid, as this company ceases trading and existance at those times!! How on earth could we be expected do that thing when we don't even exist or acknowledge the existance of the continuing process, at that time??? Anyway, my calendar doesn't even CONTAIN those dates, so go away!"

(Hey I'm on a roll here, bear with me, and I WILL make it to the point eventually)

Ahem..AND...those extremely expensive glossy A3 sized fold out sheets, all containing the most mind numbingly boring information about the company that nobody ever reads. Nobody even knows who these people are that are shown in these brochures...surely not the same person that told us we could not have this thing, to replace the twenty year old one that is held together with tape, as we do not have the money to do so? Anyway, a new edition of floppy-glossy-bi-monthly is out soon, with the exciting story of "Anon executive finalizes initiative to enquire after another round of talks about looking into funding another initiative about something that will never see the light of day, and even if it does, will never actually be finished and there will be no relevant paperwork, or evidence, of it's success or faliure, while continuing to have no bearing on the day to day activities of those people on the front line, or those who actually buy the service and keep everyone in employment"

Now the point of all this.... IBM has realised there may be a way to make money from all these non-knowledge workers, by getting them on the IT treadmill. For years those without the need for a commute in the rush hour, have all been letting those with desks all get steamed up in rush hour traffic, have their paintball weekends, and pictures in the huge fold out glossy monthly newless-letters (you know the ones, yes, that 30lb stack of dusty shiney paper down there that has been there since the easter before last) and most importantly managed very intelligently to be able to stay out of all that coporate time wasting, the upper echelons laughingly call "productivity". Now they are going to have to work twice as hard at keeping out the way (even the now familiar technique of tugging your forelock, smoothing down your smock, and saying "ARRR 'ello your lordyship, noice day fur milkin' mee cowz", is probably going to have to be rethought) as those at the top, are going to get notification of something to relive the corporate boredom, and this must be good! It involves IBM, AND spending money, AND having meetings all about it, AND Powerpoint presentations about it, AND they can even announce it in the next huge glossy!!

So if you have avoided those that are supposed to make decisions, but really always just say "No you can't have it, although we just all got new leather chairs, oh come on, we need those to work in, where else would we sit?? What....pardon? Well just tell the expectant mothers to bring THEIR OWN incubators, and sterile delivery rooms with them, sheesh, it's not difficult is it? See, I CAN make snap judgements about the real issues in this job, and that's why they pay me and extremely obscene amount of money for the absolute zero I do, and contribute to this organisation.", then watch out, as this could be a significant move to try and bring you in finally. The big IT guns really know they have no problem persuading the bored board room to buy anything they want them to, but YOU (dear deskless) will have to be strong, as those IT companies know there is a full on potential to put their stuff out, to what is in fact a BIGGER audience (albeit a paying one) than they ever dreamed of. The evolution of things like this will not be painless, but once it is there, things should calm down and actually be SOME good. Technology is in the hands of everyone now, and in this instance IBM has little to do regarding educating the masses, as they already know what to do. So my dream would be a world where the corporate desk based worker was rightly put in their place as a minority. As of now they are not regarded as the majority, they are simply regarded as all there is to the work place!

Phew....I need a cup of mocha-lotta-frappe....oh bugger, what a giveaway!

Just listening to my brother on the radio, via the magic of the internet. 00:00 - 02:00 GMT, so maybe this will become a regular thing for him....hope so

And as I write this, they have apparently been removed from the studio and the show stopped!! My brother was a guest on the show and did not get to say very much at all....I will have to find out what happened...aaww

Well, so as not to spoil the surprise for those that have not seen it. The Matrix Reloaded was nothing more than a filler, for the next installment coming in November. Lots of action and little else. Not even seeing it in the movie theatre added anything to it. Sorry folks, nothing to understand here, move along.

Rating 2 out of 5

I guess I wanted meaningful stuff, but there was nothing here. Although I shall be going to see Terminator 3 when it comes out, as that really IS just action and you're not supposed to get anything from it. Matrix Reloaded was a bit of an oddity in the way that every scene had no real bearing on the one before, and with little actual plot to draw on, you could have swapped them around, or left them out and it would still have been the same movie.

Shame really, as I am sure they spent a long time on making it.

Going to see the Matrix Reloaded, I should let you know how it turns out I guess, from a critique point of view, as I hate it when people insist on telling you the major plot points and surprises of every movie they have just seen, and I suspect people do that with me, as I make a point of asking them NOT to tell me, by what now is no surprises and no remaining plot.

Only a year ago, AOL had only 8 employees in it's broadband division?!

I've used high speed internet for a while now, and coming from a remote UK location, I understand the difficulties in getting to grips with it. The initial cost, which is usually outweighed by the real killer of not actually being able to be plumbed into the service itself anyway. As well as the whole 'always on' service, which isn't a problem, but still seems a point to address with those masses still queuing in the slow lane. Strangely enough, the latest unwired, highspeed, extravaganza of internet exploration, still appears to be the dominant mind set, among the non-computer owing, with their AOL dial-up, buddy, masses. Of which I have spoken to a LOT of. They see computers AS the internet, in a lot of cases.

Where was I?

Oh yes, AOL only just getting their huge blind following, onto the higher speed connection. Didn't anyone at any point sort of think, "er...what about offering our 20 sqillion users some sort of higher bandwidth?"
A company that huge, offering the services they claim to, not seeing this, seems insane. However, this could be an indicator of there not actually being that many people world wide, with anything quicker than dial up. And/or the communication companies are making quite enough this way and see no reason to rock the good ship "Revenue Enhacement".

One teeny fly in all this is that for the most part AOL is a not reccomendable service to anyone other than a complete ostrich who insists on being hand held through the entire net, but finding no release at all for their pinkies once they see through the cracks in the play-pen walls. So going to a chums house and seeing how quick and uncluttered their experience is, there would seem little incentive to stay. I just heard that they're attempting to turn Paris and a big lump of New York into one huge hotspot. The New York version is being created with the ingenious idea of using rapidly vanishing phone boxes as Wifi relays. Verizon came up with this to transform Manhattan into a surfing paradise. One will be keeping at least one eyeball on that plan.

So those Telcos with the wires already in place will be able to unleash the silent and invisible access to the masses....oh....(sound of needle being dragged across vinyl)(anyone who doesn't know about vinyl will never have gotten down this far, so it is assumed safe to proceed)...looks like we're back to our original problem of never getting the highway close enough to everyone's door, but the phone box thing is a very good way to begin.


A strange thing happened today. I walked past a building site and did'nt notice the large collection of bearded builders all sat in a row on the edge of the street, eating their lunch. Coming from a country where this would be something of a complete impossibility, I frantically wondered why (frantic worry really takes it out of you, I can tell you. Especially with such important issues as this). Looked to me that this building was being constructed by amish builders. I have not had chance to chat with any amish person yet, but it seems they breed their construction workers without a sense of inadequacy, or the need to demonstrate it by shouting the usual Beavis and Butthead style of wit and sexual charm, that every other strain of this animal has. In fact it was a shock (so there was frantic worry coupled with shock...oooo someone feel sorry for my stressful day please?) when I realized I had probably walked past them many times and not even known they were there. I must add, this isn't because I would spark a reaction from the more commonly used versions, but the silence was unnerving (oooo...now it's frantic worry, shock AND having your nerves er.....un'ed). There would be no interest in me, as just afterwards I was told I was from a police academy, or at least that's how they saw it.....odd day.

I saw something that I haven't quite managed to store in the correct resepticle...it was concerning people that don't need other people, must need other people so they can know they don't need them...hmmm..very zen that.

And now the camera pulls back as I sit slowly closing the huge leather bound book, in my huge red leather bound chair, and classical ending theme music plays, lights go down as the wobbly credits show a lot of people's names which seem oddly numerous for such a small programme..... Good Night.... (Cheesy grin and back to the wisely steepled fingers)

Something you don't see everyday is a freshly crashed truck. Long truck with the wheels still spinning and two chaps climbing from the cab. People dotted around the scene in their cars, with one chap looking particularly down about something.

Could have simply been shaken by the incident that so recently occurred (but hey that wouldn't be very interesting) or perhaps he feels responsible for the mid morning traffic shenanegins? One of those supposedly important life lesson moments. People always seem to say they learnt a valuable lesson when they were doing something, they themselves classified as "Oh it doesn't matter I'm doing this, it's only ME, it's not really important that I follow the rule/law that was only put there to protect me and/or others from JUST THIS OUTCOME"
So rather than fess up to even just themselves that they were a complete selfish idiot, they look back on this incident with worldly wise 20-20 hindsight, and apparently "learn" something from it.
They are just a bit late I'm afraid, as someone (a qualified responsible by law, governing body) who saw this thing before anyone else said, "Hey, we never saw that coming, so lets make sure that we tell everyone concerned about this risk."
That's why people can say,"Yeah it's a risk, but of course it won't happen to me, so who cares?"
When it finally does happen, thats not a Yoda-ish, chin scratchingly, pensivley slanted eyebrows, nodding wisely, then steepling your fingers, while seated alone, looking out over a sunset drenched vista, life lesson. It's a big fat f*** up! You just ruined a whole bunch of lives, and will never understand the suffering you set in motion!

Hey, calm...ohmmmmmm....oo, nearly had some sort of subconcious flashback.

So if YOU want to do something, make sure you're on a separate planet, or are doing it with consenting selfish types. Making sure that the next time you use that mobile phone on the road, you're not the one responsible for setting off an extremely complex chain of negative actions that have far reaching consequences it would take a time machine to check on.

Ooo I'm off for a lie down and a bun.

Lucy Lu of Charlies Angels movie fame (to me at least) was today's lookalike. Snoop Dog's grandfather was a close second.

The jury has just come back with the uanimous vote that I do indeed hate country music with a vengance. A ton of tearful women, lamenting their harsh life, with seemingly no way out except to spend endless hours blubbing over something they can apparently see is not right, but chose to put (and keep) themselves in. The chaps all warbling along to their twangy guitars about how sorry they are for treating someone not right and them leaving/never settling down due to years of rampant tottie. My problem with all of this is similar to rap. Why do these cow-people insist on knowing how bad their lot is, yet they chose that particular path?
Sort of anti-rap I suppose. Rappers seem to make most of it up, but at least they go on about happy stuff!
I couldn't care less how much money, ladies, or er...Bling they have, but at least it's a positive fantasy (if you ignore the rich vein of questionable ethics) which seems to point to having a Hugh Heffneresque lifestyle, without actually working in any way at all to justify it.

Nice!

Country is just a long, often slow, drawn out, drawling whine, about how life should be. Never heard a song yet about someone who decided they would do it differently, and God knows I've heard enough of it.

Hang on, that last whinge almost qualifies for being made into a country lament. Just sprinkle a few hurt young wifes, some non communicative children, topped off with a sprig of dead crops, and Shania Twain will have to watch out! Hang on, I have to make sure I complain about it after at LEAST 8 years of the same shortsighted self misdirection. So maybe not just yet....look out 2011 there will be a new twangy (if more than a little whiney) guitarist in the chart!

The Microsoft monster has seen fit to release a wondefully British titled "Grabbed by the Ghoulies". Which is in fact by their relatively newly (2002) aquired (at mucho expense) Rare software house. Perhaps this is a little boy coporate snigger the big M's expense, as Rare are British themselves. Mind you the website is a bit crappy these days, considering how long they have been around and how much the big M must have payed for them..sad...

While I am rambling about it, where'd the thing come from, to call software companies "houses"?

It's been a while folks, but things have been busy at the ranch of late. I have been 'accused' of being a fashion designer, a robot, and a prolific sign writing deity! Well more of that soon, but for now I have to ask another question....

Tell me what exactly is Powerpoint for?? Never knew myself, and I expect not many people do. Some seem to scream, "Oh if you want a job, then use powerpoint!"

My thing with that is, just how many times IN YOUR LIFE, have you ever used it? Just what ghastly Microsoft Word looking type slides do you want to produce with it?? If some corporate funding source wants to be impressed, then you take them out to dinner in the poshest restaurant and have a ton of celebs show up there. You don't show them a few shaky looking brown striped images, with hideous word art all over it, looking like you are asking on behalf of the local boy scouts, for money to repair their old rowing boat.

Oh and it costs a fortune too!